Max Lucado/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

Recognize the name Max Lucado? I didn’t either before day. But he is an author, clergyman and believer in the human capacity to achieve and to grow in life. Here are two quotes, both of them in the spirit of Win-Win and mediation process:

“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional”
It is wise to recognize that conflict with others is inevitable in life. But why make it a case for WW III? We do not always choose to be in conflict, but we surely can choose NOT to be in combat with others.

“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.”
It sometimes feels way too sweet to carry a grudge or blame another for adversity. However, remember who pays the price for those feelings. Learn how to set yourself free from painful conflicts and confrontation.

Mediate don’t litigate.

What Makes One Happy?/Martin Rosenfeld

A Harvard Professor by the name of Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar wrote a popular book on happiness. The book, based on a successful course Dr. Ben-Shahar taught at Harvard, is entitled “Happier”. This book is a wonderful read and offers the reader much to ponder. At the end of the chapters, the author provides an exercise to engage the reader. Towards the book’s end, Dr. Ben-Shahar has this to say: “Think of a conflict, major minor, that you have with another person…In writing, elaborate on the price that you and the other party are paying in the ultimate current. (Note: The author refers to happiness as the ultimate currency. MR) Is the price worth it?

For those involved in divorce disputes, commercial disputes, employment disputes, etc., you would do well to ask yourself this question: Is it worth it? Life is short and uncertain as we all now feel in the most dramatic way. Is living with rancor and confrontation worth it? Is litigation the best way? Once again, the answer seems clear…mediate don’t litigate.

Conflict:Is it Worth It?/Martin Rosenfeld

A Harvard Professor by the name of Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar wrote a popular book on happiness. The book, based on a successful course Dr. Ben-Shahar taught at Harvard, is entitled “Happier”. This book is a wonderful read and offers the reader much to ponder. At the end of the chapters, the author provides an exercise to engage the reader. Towards the book’s end, Dr. Ben-Shahar has this to say: “Think of a conflict, major minor, that you have with another person…In writing, elaborate on the price that you and the other party are paying in the ultimate current. (Note: The author refers to happiness as the ultimate currency. MR) Is the price worth it?

For those involved in divorce disputes, commercial disputes, employment disputes, etc., you would do well to ask yourself this question: Is it worth it? Life is short and uncertain as we all now feel in the most dramatic way. Is living with rancor and confrontation worth it? Is litigation the best way? Once again, the answer seems clear…mediate don’t litigate.

Self-Respect/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

The pugilistic US Representative (R-Ohio) does not wear a jacket to public hearings. When asked if he ever wears a jacket, he said that when he needs to show respect (e.g. a visit to meet President Trump) he does wear one. By implication, this means that being invited to attend the Impeachment Hearing is not sufficient reason to show respect. A possible slight to his colleagues and/or to the American people? Judge for yourself.

It is difficult when sparring with an adversary, during a mediation session, to show civility and even respect. But at what price? Being ornery is a self-defeating stance. If you have self-respect, you can manifest this by showing respect to others. This applies equally to those with whom you disagree. Is wearing a jacket while representing the good people from the Buckeye state really too much of a sacrifice? Civility is always in fashion.

Mediate don’t litigate.

Expressed Feelings/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

The Program of Negotiation/Harvard University, published a post by Kathy Shonk, on December 12, 2019, entitled “Four Ways to Manage Conflict in the Workplace”. Specifically, the discussion included a treatment on the expression of emotions. Is it OK to express feelings of e.g disappointment, anger, hurt, etc. The answer to this question is in the affirmative. What can such expression accomplish?

*Expression of feelings is cathartic. It allows a party to be more comfortable with the ensuing discussion. The cards are now on the table.
*By being free with emotions, a party is seen in a more human context. They are no longer the enemy, but a party who feels aggrieved.
*Emotional release may lead to more frank discussion. It may encourage a reciprocal catharsis.
*Remember the maxim, never judge a person until you walk a mile in their moccasins. Free expression cal lead to greater understanding.

Divorce is Not a Transaction/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

The current movie about divorce is named “Marriage Story”. This represents an irony. A further complication is that the movie has no winners nor losers; there is likewise no hero and no villain. In this manner, the movie is like many divorces. No one truly comes out ahead. However, Alan Alda’s role as a divorce attorney points out a basic truism. To many attorneys a divorce is simply another transaction that must be managed. The Alda attorney prefers to view the players in the divorce scenario as “people”. This is not poetry in motion, but it is a truism. Mediation helps the parties re-gain a sense of their humanity and decency. Litigation is not geared to such an outcome. litigation can be said to view the drama as another transaction. Mediation remembers that there are people involved and people affected by the divorce activity. Mediate don’t litigate is more than a pithy catch-phrase. It is the (only) way to ensure that people going through marital dissolution are always viewed as people in need of proper treatment. It may not make for great poetry but it is often the best result that can be effected by divorce professionals. Civil divorce is possible. Mediation makes that happen with great success. Mediation is worth a dedicated try for that very reason.

Most Popular Form of Divorce/Martin Rosenfeld, JD

DIY stands for “Do It Yourself”. Many couples in divorce situations cannot afford legal representation. Many articles appear in the topic of self-help, or DIY. This is an area in which mediators can be helpful and where legal practitioners cannot be. A DIY couple will not choose to seek out an attorney. Yet, they may well feel that help is needed in getting advice about areas where agreement seems to be elusive. Or they may desire to seek out new avenues of attaining Win-Win in areas such as child visitation, division of assets, future communication, etc. There could well be a perfect fit between DIY clients and their friendly, local mediator. This possibility can greatly help the estimated 60% of parties who choose to “do it themselves”. It is not wise to ignore the “silent majority” of parties who chose to divorce without legal help. Mediation is a perfect adjunct to such situations. “Mediate don’t litigate”.